Laserman and the Police Academy
Lasik Eye Surgery helping the Police force keep our cities safe
Cadet Williams stepped up and took his seat in the doctor’s chair. He was nervous. He was pretty sure he didn’t need eye surgery. His vision with glasses was 20/20 last year.
Laserman stepped up and shined a light in Cadet Williams’ eye.
Cadet Williams blinked. Laserman flashed a light in his other eye.
After the exam, Cadet Williams stood and straightened out his uniform. He waited for the doctor to say something, but Laserman was simply making notes in his journal, not saying a word. Finally, Cadet Williams couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
Laserman turned around and saw the cadet standing with his arms crossed.
“Did I pass?”
“Yes, you did. Be here next week for the surgery.”
“Yes,” Laserman cleared his throat. “Lasik eye surgery.”
“But you said I passed the exam.”
“You did. Everyone with Astigmatism gets the Laser eye surgery.”
Cadet Williams stuttered. He didn’t understand why he needed surgery if his eyesight was good.
“I’m just going to reshape your eyes slightly. Since we’ve been performing this operation on new officers, we’ve seen a decrease in crime by twenty-five percent. Officers are better equipped to handle the challenges of police work. They respond faster, see more while on duty, and the citizens are safer as a result.”
Cadet Williams couldn’t believe his ears. He walked away scratching his head. When he entered the doctor’s waiting room lobby he noticed all the other cadets waiting patiently for their exam. He saw his friend Cadet Plantain. He walked over and took a seat next to Cadet Plantain.
“I’ve got to have Lasik eye surgery,” he said.
Cadet Plantain looked up from the magazine he was reading.
“I know. My brother did this last year. He said he’s fifteen percent more responsive since he had it done.”
On his way home from the doctor’s office, Cadet Williams saw a man snatch a woman’s purse. He stopped his car and ran after the purse snatcher. He chased him for three blocks before the snatcher jumped a fence, dropping the lady’s purse along the way. Cadet William knocked off his glasses while attempting the jump. He stopped to pick his glasses and grabbed the woman’s purse, letting the snatcher get away.
He took the woman’s purse back to her and apologized for not being able to catch thief.
“That’s okay,” she said, fumbling through her purse. “He took my wallet!”
Cadet Williams felt bad that he didn’t catch the purse snatcher. He thought back to what his friend Cadet Plantain had said about improving his brother’s response time after Lasik.
“Maybe I could use a little eye surgery, after all,” he said.
The next day, he arrived for training and went to Laserman’s office. He told the doctor about the incident with the purse snatcher.
“Yes, that was a staged event,” said Laserman. “Ninety-five percent of graduating cadets report catching the purse snatcher after surgery. Only fifty-nine do so before surgery.”
“So when is the surgery taking place,” Cadet Williams asked.
“When we confirm that you’re graduating,” Laserman said.
Cadet Williams smiled at the Lasik doctor. He knew he would be graduating. He left the doctor’s office and went to class, grinning bigger than ever.
This story highlights that lasik eye surgery may be beneficial to detectives, Sherrifs and police officers. It does not mean to portray that cops who have not had laser eye surgery are in anyway inferior. This tale is for educational and entertainment purposes only.